Goings on

Well, its been a while. Things got busy, and I lost my place in my little book, which is rather embarrassing considering its an abridgment. I have the full thing somewhere else, and perhaps I'll take a shot at it next.

Since my last blog, which is a looooong time ago, our pastor asked me to take over as Sunday School Director, which really surprised me, considering I'd only been to Sunday School twice. In four years. And now I'm trying to figure out who I can call on in a pinch. And I'm getting pinched right now. I have ten teachers. One wants out. And two are leaving for the next three months. Its hard enough finding a volunteer for one or two weeks, let alone twelve.

I started NaNoWriMo. National Novel Writing Month. One month. Thirty Days. Fifty thousand words. It started off fun. I whipped out 12-15,000 words in the first few days. Then Ryan got sick. And Hope. For a week. Then they gave it to me. And to Faith. She got better right around Thanksgiving. So, I worked good for a week, then sickness and disease ripped the heart out of November, and left me with roughly four or five days at the tail end to make up 30,000 words. I made it to 38,000 before time ran out. But, I'm continuing on anyway. (I want to see how my story ends. And Sandy would probably hurt me if I quit in the middle of it.) I've been posting it to my igoogle documents page, and she's been reading it. Every day. Even printing it off and taking it home with her. Even Faith read the first few pages and enjoyed it. Of course, school and work and family prevent her from finishing it right now. And it it pretty daunting. Nearly sixty pages so far and counting. If you don't have time to read an actual book, you probably don't have time to read this either.

So, due to life and everything interfering, a lot of things have fallen to the wayside. Hopefully, I can pick up the pieces in December.

The Art of War by Sun Tzu ... as applied to the Christian life

I picked up this little book several years ago in an airport bookstore. I've tried reading it several times, and always stall out, and start over later. Not that its a bad book. But, since this is an abridgment of the actual text, its sort of choppy reading.

There are certain lessons in it that are still applicable today, much like the Bible.

So,it is said that if you know others and know yourself, you will not be imperiled in a hundred battles; if you don not know others but know yourself, you win one and lose one; if you do not know others and do not know yourself, you will be imperiled in every single battle.

Sun Tzu is talking of armies and battles. It still works for the everyday christian life.

I know myself, and I learn more about myself every time I open the Bible or get down on my knees. I know my strengths and my weaknesses. Sometimes they are one and the same. In the Bible, we are counseled to know our enemy, the Devil. Know his ways, his strategies, his ultimate desires. He wants to destroy our lives. Ruin our dreams, crush our drive, dilute our daily witness. When I know my weak areas, I can protect myself from his wiles. Knowing his weakness, I can destroy his plans.

At the beginning of chapter 3, Sun Tzu compares winning by the Tao, or the way, to winning by force. Do we win before we engage our enemy? or do we have to go through a rough battle to win? If I know my enemy, and his strategies, I can maneuver out of his traps before I fall into them, thereby avoiding any real battles with him. I heard one man put it this way: If I walk down the road, and fall into a hole, and injure myself, it is the city's fault. If I walk down the same road later, and fall into the same hole , um, I forget what he said, but its probably along the lines of being naive, or stupid. If the city posts signs, warnings, and blocks off the road, yet I go around them, and fall into the hole that I know is there, it is entirely my fault. That is willful sin. If I know the ways of my enemy, then I can plan on how to avoid his traps. Complete victory is when the enemy is overcome by strategy.

Sun Tzu also said that "victorious warriors win first and then go to war, while defeated warriors go to war first and then seek to win." And how exactly does this fit into our lives? Let me give you a phrase I've heard in churches for a few decades now: "Don't ask God to bless what you're doing, but instead do what He is blessing." Seek His direction first, and then go forward. Don't make your own plans, and then ask Him to bless you. They may be counter to what He wants for your life. Another phrase I heard at college was this: "If it pleases you to please God, then you can do as you please."

We need to chose our allies well. Strong, organized ones, or a weak one who will pull us down. Other Christians, church goers, uplifting books, good movies ... things with God at their center. There are other good things out there, but they are merely good, not good for us. They don't bring us down, nor do they bring us up.

America, right now, is having problems determining who are her allies. We pick those who can help us economically, but whose internal policies we disagree with, such as China. Is China good, or bad, for us? I don't really know. But I'm sure there are better countries we can ally ourselves with than someone whose human rights violations are so blatant.

In our Christian life, we have choices to make. Lay out our strategies now to ensure our future victories.

As I read more of The Art of War, and see its christian applications, I'll write more.

Powered by ScribeFire.

Continuing problems in the Anglican church

Well, the Episcopal church has gone and done it. Well, not really. They issued a statement in repair the rift between them and the wider Anglican church, but it didn't really help. (For those who don't know, the Episcopals ordained a gay bishop, and are blessing gay marriages. For obvious reasons, the Anglican church is just a tab bit upset about this.)

They promised to "exercise restraint by not consenting to the consecration of any candidate to the episcopate whose manner of life presents a challenge to the wider church and will lead to further strains on communion." Huh? They're going to fix things by not doing something? Thats never been good enough, for any relationship. "I promise not to do it again" doesn't address the deeper issues that bring division.

In the Old Testament, God gave the Law to prove to the people of Israel that they couldn't be good enough on their own. Then, to rectify to problem, he promised to give them new hearts that would delight in following his law. Intrinsic restraint rather than extrinsic.

The episcopal church has said that "we won't do it anymore, but we won't change what we believe, or desire to do."

Instead they went on and called for "unequivocal and active commitment to the civil rights, safety, and dignity of gay and lesbian persons." Rights? Safety? Okay, every person has rights, and deserves safety. But dignity? Dignity? Sorry. That just sort of blows me away. They should be ashamed, but instead they are shouting from the housetops "I revel in my sin! I wallow in it like a dog rolling in his own droppings!" They want to guarantee the dignity of sinful actions. Steve Taylor said something about "coming out of the closet, rather than cleaning it."

Another bishop said "I think it's clear the American church wants to continue its way and to ignore the persistent requests that have been made from the rest of the communion." Exactly. American's are like this throughout the world. To our shame. We have forgotten that we are "american Christians" and not "Christian americans." The first word modifies the second one. Are we Christians, who happen to live in America? Or americans, who just happen to attend a christian church? They want the world to bow to the American way of sin ... er ... I mean, the American way of life.

The bottom line isn't that of homosexuality, American vs. the world, or Episcopal vs. Anglican. This division is based on differing views of the Bible. Is it, or isn't it, inspired. Genesis to Revelation. The whole thing. Is it the divinely inspired Word of God?

Some have said that it contains the Word of God. That sounds nice, but a container holds a thing without being the thing it holds. Look at a salad bowl. There is salad in it, but it isn't the salad itself. Its a bowl.

So, if the bible merely "contains" the Word of God, who decides which parts are inspired, and authoritative? Which parts do we have to obey? Most people pick and choose and leave the things they don't want, which makes it ineffective and useless as a whole. My kids tend to pick over the healthy bits of supper and eat the junk.

So do most people when it comes to the Bible. "I like this. I agree with this. I'll do this, but not that." If you did that with American laws, you'd end up in jail. There was a woman in China who poisoned, and killed, her boyfriend. She saw him talking to another woman, and decided he deserved death, because he was cheating on her. Maybe he was. Maybe he deserved to die. Whats certain is that the decision wasn't hers to make. I have friends who don't obey speed limit laws, because "they're stupid."

The division in the Anglican church is just a very visible symptom of a common disease.... autonomy. The desire for self-rule will destroy us. Unless we excise the diseased organs from the body, the whole body will die.

Powered by ScribeFire.

Oh, Everyone Knows That (Except You)

... any expectation that politicians will be moral leaders is naïve. “There is always a taint of, if not corruption, then compromise about them,” he said. “This idea that they are moral leaders is moronic.”

This article was about things that everybody seems to know, but no one talks about. They started talking about Senator Craig's recent escapades. It seems those close to him already knew, or suspected. Appearantly, bloggers had been talking about this for a while, but, they're 'just bloggers' and not real reporters.

Then the article moved on to other people, other rumors that turned out to be true. Clinton is a womanizer. Thurmond had a child out of wed-lock. And on and on and on.

The bottom line is that politicians aren't moral leaders. The view that they are is naive. Its true, but very sad.

Michael Vick, a football player, apologized to all the kids who looked up to him. Sports figures have been our 'heros' for a long time. Yet, they have a bad reputation, as a whole group: sex, drugs, drinking. Oh, speaking of that, look at our movie stars. Wait, don't look at them. The marriage/divorce rate is astounding. Marriages are being counted on both hands, and timed in days and hours. Adopting animals, and supporting abortion. Save New Orleans while I go work on my next movie, and make more money than you'll ever see, even if you do win the Mega-Millions Lottery.

So, where are our moral leaders? Do we have any left? Sure, there are a few. But instead of listing them, lets look at a different question ... are we allowed to have moral leaders anymore? Are we allowed to be moral leaders anymore?

Sure, we have the right to practice our religion as we see fight. That is a legal right. However, culturally speaking, we cannot. I need to talk to my friends and co-workers about Christ. Yet, if I do it on the clock, I get in trouble. If I speak to patients, I could be sued for using my position of authority (ha!) to influence them. It doesn't matter that its in their best interest. It doesn't matter that it will improve their lives. Religion is a private matter, and it needs to be kept private.

Wait ... when did it become a private matter? Jesus did not come to us, just so we can hide the truth from those around us. It needs to be shared. Like a fire burning in our bones, the truth demands to be spoken.

When did it become a private matter? We should not want to hide it. Most of us wouldn't hide it, if christianity wasn't openly ridiculed all around us. And why are our beliefs and lifestyle ridiculed?

People want to make their own choices. Do what they want to do. Be who they want to be. That is free will. God gives us the right to choose. But, they want to make their choices without fear of reprisal or judgment.

When there are moral leaders and moral examples, people have someone to measure themselves against. "I can't be like Jesus. He is God. Of course He is perfect." "I can't be like Mother Theresa. She is a saint. Of course she is near perfct." However, when the moral leader is your politician, or your school principal, or your teacher, it is someone you see on a daily basis. You know their lives, the intimate details. Then, a comparison can easily be made, and we can know whether we are living up to the standard or not. Usually, not.

And thats why our culture won't tolerate moral leaders. Because leaders ... um ... lead. Where they go, we are supposed to follow. They set the examples we are to emulate. Our culture believes in individuality above all else, to the detriment of all else.

We have removed prayer from the schools. The Ten Commandments from our courts. Moral examples from positions of authority.

"This idea that [politicians] are moral leaders is moronic." Its true because our society wouldn't tolerate it.

Powered by ScribeFire.

Word Play

Armenians urge Jews to take moral high ground | Jerusalem Post
Historians estimate that as many as 1.5 million Armenian Christians were killed by Muslim Ottoman Turks between 1915 and 1923, an event widely viewed by scholars as the first genocide of the 20th century.

Hrm ... this made me wonder ....

I pay attention to words. Word order. Specific usage. This struck me and I had to think about it. Write about it.

The base word, in a phrase, comes last. Its modifiers come first. "A red wagon" is a wagon, but more than that, it is red. "A tall tree" or "a mean man." The object is last, the adjectives first.

In this sentence, I see several things. Just because I see them, I don't know that they are right. Its just a way of reading it. Maybe the author didn't mean it this way.

First, those who were killed were Christians. Armenian is an adjective. They were Christians who happened to be of Armenian heritage. 1.5 million Christians. I'm not sure the Romans in the first couple of centuries managed that many.

The second group of people in this sentence are Ottoman Turks, modified by the word "Muslim." So, it was the Turks killing Christians, and they just happened to be Muslims.

This raises lots of questions: First and foremost, am I reading more into this than was meant. Or was this a careful piece of editing.

Christians were killed by Ottomans. It wasn't so much a racial thing as a religious thing. The Ottomans were killing Christians. One slight change in phrasing, and it would be racial. "Turkish Muslims" killing Christians would be religious persecution on a grand scale. Is there a reason the author of this article didn't write it this way? Or was it just an accident of phraseology. Or careful editing so it didn't appear that Christians were being killed by Muslims.

Of course, Armenians killed enmass by Turks isn't any better, but at least it removes the religious aspects of the event. Was it racial? Was it religious? At this time in history, could the two really be divided?

One more question? If 1.5 million Christians were killed today, would the papers make it a regional/racial thing, or would they dig deeper and see the religious roots of the event?

Powered by ScribeFire.

What Tree?

"The nature of the crisis in the Anglican Communion has often been identified as the issue over homosexuality, but Archbishop Henry Orombi of the Church of Uganda stressed that the heart of the crisis is the 'risk of losing our biblical foundation.'"

Well, here it is again. We need to stand on our foundation. As Martin Luther said, "Here I stand." For the Anglicans, it isn't really an issue of homosexuality. Human sexuality, and its boundaries, are defined in the bible. As people take their eyes off God, and focus on themselves, their wants and desires, they necessarily have to throw out the bible.

Brother McRoberts, one of my teachers at college, had a nice visual turn of phrase for this. Picture Adam and Eve, standing in the Garden of Eden. God asks if they have eaten from the tree. Standing there, axe in hand, juice dribbling down their chins, they ask him, "What tree?"

What tree, indeed. I'm reminded of a poem, "The Second Coming" I think. As a beast slouches towards Bethlehem to be born, the falcon is circling further and further away from the falconer. This world is too much with us. As we draw closer to the world, we draw away from God. Spinning out, our gyre takes us to a distance to where we can't see the center of our existence anymore.

Eventually, to justify our actions, we have to dismiss the bible as valid. What did God say? Did he say it us? Or to the Jews and Christians millenia ago? No, they decide. It was cultural. Or for health and dietary reasons.

The issue is holiness, not homosexuality.

Effective Dialogue

“But, as you know, it is fundamental to any kind of dialogue that the participants are clear about their own identity. That is, dialogue cannot be an occasion to accommodate or soften what you actually understand yourself to be.”

Well, I can't say I agree with Pope Benedict XVI on alot of things, but this is one point we share. I can't dialogue with you unless I know where I stand. There was a sermon I preached from the Gospel of Mark. I don't remember which chapter, or verse, or passage. But I remember the fact that Jesus was able to stand up to his detractors because he knew who he was.

We need to have that same assurance. This is one of the reasons regular church attendance, Bible reading, and Bible study are so important. As we continually ground ourselves in who we are, and what we believe, we know how to answer those who question us.

It also gives us courage to face life. I see people in my line of work who have undergone terrible things, and I wonder how I would do if faced with the same problems. Its the same thing again. I need to know who I am, and where I stand, to face these things.

In my daily dialogue with those around me, or even the chance encounters, knowing where I stand allows me to evaluate where they are at also. Do they stand with me? Against me? Or are they just spinning in circles wasting time?

One more thing here. I need to know these things in order to know if I am giving ground. What can I sacrifice? What is holy ground? What do I need to protect at all costs? I grew up believing that a person must speak in tongues in order to get into heaven, must attend the Assemblies of God, and several other things along these lines. A christian cannot drink. A christian cannot smoke. A christian cannot swear. Well, Jesus came to save sinners. Saved from hell. Saved from their sins. If they don't change, they can still be saved. But they must believe that Jesus is the Son of God who came in the flesh. They must trust him for their salvation, and none else.

These things hold firm.

"Reform Math" Leaves Some Perplexed, New Curriculum Has Some Parents So Concerned, They're Taking Matters Into Their Own Hands - CBS News

Well, what do you know? All of our fuzzy lines are bleeding over into our math now.

No boundaries. No rules. No right and wrong. Whose to say that I can't do this or that. Who are you to make rules for my life.

And guess what?

It's bringing down scores on tests mandated by the No Child Left Behind act.

Test scores? Down? No wonder. When we can make up our own rules, we can't meet the standards set by others. Guess what? My standards aren't as high as those the experts set.

There is a story of a kindergartener who came home and said he was 7 feet tall. Then he pulled up his measuring stick he made at school, and, sure enough, he was seven feet tall. By his own ruler. But he isn't really seven feet tall. More like three.

Today, we have so many people who measure themselves by others standards. Or by their own standards. But, when we get to heaven, God is going to ask "Why should I allow you into My Heaven?" Its His place. His abode. His rules.

Well, I was good by my standards, but its not good enough by His standards.

Fuzzy math is going to do to our scientists, engineers, etc, the same thing relaxed morals has done. We won't be able to compete. Internationally, or morally.

Playing Around

Well.

Um.

I was planning on going to church this morning, but it didn't work out.

I got up and took a shower. Not so quick, because I brush my teeth and shave in the shower. Ryan needs about 5 minutes to take his shower. Hope wanted a bath. "Make it quick, so we can go to church." Yeah, right.

First, she had to drain the water because something was floating in the water. Then, she had to fill it. She made lots of bubbles, which needed to be rinsed off. So, she had to drain the water, and I had to start the shower going to get the bubbles off of her. Now, she's crying because I didn't give her the shower head to rinse the tub out. I don't care about the tub. I wanted her rinsed off. She sat and cried and refused to get clean.

So, church started 20 minutes ago. By the time she's dried off, dressed, and her hair brushed, they'll be saying the closing prayer.

Faith's last day of school was this last week. She told me to ask for a week off, while the kids are still in school, so we had time to work on the house together. Unfortunately, she didn't know I got the time off, so she didn't ask for any. I have most of next week off, and she works. Guess what ...... I've got a honey-dew list now for my mini-vacation.

I've slowed on playing Medievia, mostly because I've just about reached Hero-dom, and the remainder of what I have to do is time consuming. I don't have a lot of time. Well, not in large chunks like I need for the game. I got frustrated and downloaded World of Warcraft, not because I wanted to play WoW, I just wanted to play something less frustrating. Faith said if I wanted to keep playing it, we'd have to cancel NetFlix, because of the monthly fees. blah. I'm not that interested in WoW. You buy the game, then still have to pay a $15/month subscription fee.

Guild Wars, on the other hand, has no monthly fees. You buy the game, and you play online. Simple. They've released 2 or 3 more modules, and they're going back to the drawing board for a huge upgrade, due out in a few years. The basic set is $35, whereas WoW starts at $50, I think. Maybe if I scrimp and save, and come up with the money on my own, she'll let me buy it. Fathers Day and our anniversary are coming up, so I may end up with a little more cash.

Of course, if I all of a sudden say I have the $40 to buy the game, she may just tell me to buy gas for the car with it too.

Another Day, Another 15 minutes

Wow. What a day its been.

I got up at 4:45, and was at work by 6:15, or so. I grabbed a vanilla bean frappucino with caramel drizzle on the way in, and enjoyed that for a while.

My co-worker called in saying she was going to be late. Thats okay, I thought. Saturday mornings aren't usually that bad. Boy oh boy. I went to bed around 11, my normal time, but I was so tired this morning. The only thing keeping me going is adrenaline and momentum. I stopped to eat lunch, and was afraid it was going to do me in.

I've registered probably 8 patients this morning, which isn't terribly bad. A little above normal, maybe. But two or three are brand new, plus a couple accidents. Makes for a busy morning. I had two ambulances at once, and when I was done there were 4 charts in the basket waiting to be registered.

I went to lunch instead. Ashley did them all. She's still doing them. Ruth is on lunch, so I'm on the internet. I needed a break, since I'm here till 7 tonight. Ugh.

And it just keeps going.

Has it really been that long?

Wow. I came here to write for a bit, and my Dashboard said my last post was Jan 20th. Thats a lot longer than I ever anticipated.

What have I been up to? A little of this. A little of that. Not much of anything in particular.

I put in a new fish pond earlier this year. Probably in March sometime, just before my parents came out for a visit. Its doing okay. There's been a bloom of somekind: algae, moss, something. It's thick, and all over one of the ponds. The two others have some algae, but not as much as the middle one. Thick and nasty. But the fish are doing good. I put our turtle out there, and he took off. I'd like to think he packed his bags and decided to go exploring. But, honestly, we've got a few rogue cats, and some big crows. Or ravens. I can't tell the difference.

Its been getting hot again. It was hot a few weeks ago, then cooled back to the 70's and 80's. Now, its closing in on that century mark again. Its hit the high 90's several days in a row now. And getting hotter. My parents were telling me about the rain in Gillette, the flooding in Aberdeen, and the mud slides in Sioux City, or maybe it was Sioux Falls. Bad stuff, but out here, its dry and hot. It rained once, now its down for about six more months.

I've started playing a game online, Medievia. Its a fantasy MMORPG. Amazingly enough, its been around since 1993, I think, and its all text based. Its phenomenally huge. Not player wise. It doesn't have 8 million subscribers like WoW does. But the complexity of the game is astounding. Once you max out your character, you can start a bloodline, and have two children. Those two can each have two more once they hero. And on and on. I've played for around 15 months, and still haven't heroed, although I'm pretty close right now. There's one bloodline that, the last time I checked, was 17 generations deep. Incredible. There are clans, and towns. Trading, shipping, dragons, swarms of crabs, pirates, storms, islands rising and sinking into the seas, with dinosaurs. Werewolves, vampires, demons, elves, dwarves, gnomes. And the list goes on. And, ofo course, the Catacombs. The Terror Below. The location changes randomly, and the monsters that live down there are so unique. There's a slug that rips the thoughts from your mind if you try to do anything in his room. Mephits that back-stab you if you use magic to move to another area in the catacombs. Hermits, girls, blood-weeds. Giant eels, and black serpents. Those are on the first level. There are six or seven levels. At the bottom is a special shop. If you help drive a dragon from his lair, you can get dragonhides. You use them in this shop to radically enhance any of your equipment. Different colors do different things to different equipment. It usually takes a minimum of 15-20 people to chase a dragon from his lair. However, the seaslugs are bigger. They set fire to the countryside. You need a minimum of 27 people to engage a slug, but 36 or more is preferred. Still, you do a lot of dying.

This is where most of my time has gone recently. However, I've been getting emails from "Grist from the Muse." He practices writing, twice a day, for at least 15 minutes each time. And thats just practice. He also has his projects he's working on. Thats his normal writing time. The other two are for practice. You want to be good, you've got to practice. Thats what I'm doing now. Just practicing.

Well, I've got to put Hope to bed now. Its already past her bedtime, but, between her stubborn-ness, and my laziness, she usually does get to bed late.

TTFN

Harassment Class

Last Saturday I was required to take a class on sexual harassment. We make all the usual jokes about it being "how-to" class. Mostly out of frustration. We have so much to do at work, and then they add in mandatory training for something that so rarely occurs. *sigh* At least, not here, it doesn't. Not much.

At least, I don't feel sexually harassed. And I don't know any one in my department who does. I know of two people who have been fired for sexual harassment. One was a time bomb waiting to happen, and the other caught us completely by surprise.

The class was about more than sexual harassment, though. It was about all types of harrassment: sexual, gender, age, race, etc. All in all, it was an okay class. The poor lady taught all 300 of us, in installments, over 4 days. Ours was the last class on the last day: Saturday, from 153-1730. *sigh* There were only 5 of us, so I couldn't sit in the back and snooze either. But, this way, she kept in constant contact with each of us, kept us involved, and the time went by quickly.

There are three qualifications to define something, legally, as harassment. Unfortunately, I only remember the first and the last: Is it unwanted, and does it change/affect the job environment, or something like that. I guess I only remember one and a half, then. Jokes I tell may be funny to my audience, but what about the person standing just outside my door? Do they feel pressured to conform? Does it make the security of their job dependent upon accepting my words/actions?

I consider myself a peon at my job, but I've been there 3 years today. I run errands for my manager, and most of the day crew comes to me for advice on ER registrations. I've become, sort of, a specialist in this area. It feels good, but with this extra ... honor, I guess ... comes extra responsibility. I have to hold myself up above reproach. I should anyway, but, this adds extra weight to my actions, giving them added validity. What I do must be okay, because I'm the one doing it. Right?

I may be joking and playing, but if those around me don't know me, they may take me seriously. Oops.

Thats where one particular phrase from the class sticks out: Content, not intent. I may intend to be funny, but its not my intent that is judged, it is the content of my words and actions. This extends far beyond the boundaries of the workplace, too.

They say the road to hell is paved with good intentions, but it is still a road to hell. It is not the good intentions of our lives that God will judge. It is the content. Here's a good illustration. Suppose you have some friends over, and were going to make an omelet for everyone. Nice and easy. You have almost enough eggs, but not quite. Then, way in the back, you see a few more that, you suspect, have been there well past their "sell by" date. Are you going to use them? Just so you have enough for everyone, of course. Are you going to approach God and say, most of my life was good. There's just a few things that I did wrong. Its not going to work.

Many people are expecting to go to heaven because they are trying to be good. Because they go to church. This is sort of wierd. At the hospital, I have ask people if they have a religious preference, just in case we ever need to call a chaplain on their behalf. I'm suprised at the ones who say, "I don't know. I guess I'm a christian." You guess? You don't know.

Its a conscious decision you have to make. You have to choose to put your trust in God, and in his son, Jesus. It will be the content, particularly, this content, that affects your eternal life. Not just your intents.